a part of my work Let Them Be Men Shelley Harper feedback welcomed

Let them roar: Some of my most distant little girl memories involve my dad raising his loud voice towards someone. In real life, he probably just raised his voice a bit and exercised his roar. Of course, to a seven year old little girl that can seem so loud and scary! Fast forward a bit to raising my children with my husband and let me tell you, that man can be LOUD! I’ll admit, I was frequently trying to get him to lower his voice, to be quieter, to react softer. He was known as the scary dad to my kids’ friends. Although they all loved him and seemed to practically live with us so he must not have scared them that much! The man was a Marine, and if push comes to shove, he will tell you to “get on your face, maggot!” and you will find yourself crawling on your belly like a damn earthworm after soiling your pants before you know it. Not that he’s ever said that to one of us but the man means business! I think our kids were a little bit intimidated of what he was capable of so they didn’t stray much from the rules at our house. Neither did I with my dad. I think there is something to be said for an authority figure in the home. I think this is by design. Did I resent my dad a bit? Sure. But I grew to respect him and it kept me on the straight and narrow, for the most part. I didn’t go to jail, at least. I was far more scared of my dad when I screwed up than any law enforcement person, that’s for sure. My children also feared (in a healthy way) authority because of their dads roar. I’m sure there are equally effective ways to parent that involve whispering. I can picture Mr. Rogers now with his brown sweater, patiently tying his shoes while teaching his children life’s lessons. It's just not any of my experiences. With that being said, I don’t think we need to try to make men less loud or anything. Let them roar!

What’s something you can do next time you feel like correcting your man when he’s exercising his roar? Can you remain in a curious state rather than jumping to any preconceived conclusions? Some loudness coming from a dad is ok. If your children grow up and sign up for the Marine Corp (as one of mine did) I can promise you that those Drill Instructors are not going to whisper sweet nothings into their ears. My husband always said that when he went into the Marine Corp and the Drill Instructors were spitting on him while they loudly yelled into his face, he thought, “this is nothing. My dad was louder and tougher than you.” Some of the recruits cried, questioned their decision and faked an injury to get out of it because no one had ever raised their voice to them.

Bonus Pro tip: As hard as it is to support your man in his parenting and otherwise, it may be in your childrens’ best interest to let them fear their dad a bit. I’m not talking about abuse in any way, just a healthy respect. My children didn’t do certain things other kids were doing because they didn’t want to answer to their dad! They were much more scared of letting him down than the lawman! I must also state that our children knew their dad loved and supported them too. He wasn’t all roar, all the time.

For the men: You do have a roar! Be sure to use it precisely like a surgeon uses his scalpel. Use it as a way to express your toughness but never beyond that when dealing with your wife and children. Use it when you need it and make it count! But don’t use it as a way to terrorize anyone. It demeans your authority when used as a weapon. Be sure your love, your time and your patience also shines through that tough as nails exterior.