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Christine. WoW - The Fear Factor
Assignment … Fear
This assignment made me think deeply about my fears, something I try really hard not to think about at all. What a revelation!
I fear falling, which I do often because of my ‘progressive’ neuro-muscular problem. (Progressive? Bah! I call it ‘regressive’ because it gets worse with age.) I fear being found out for the fraud I fear I am. I fear rejection and abandonment. But the biggest fear of all, I realized, now that ’ve reached my ninth decade, is fear of Christopher, my spouse of 60 years and companion for more, dying before I do. He, apparently has the same fear, but in reverse. He is my best friend, my sounding board, the one who gives me support and love (I think it might be almost unconditional), the one I can lose my temper with and be sure that anger is temporary and will be assuaged. The one who cares for me, emotionally and physically now that my mobility is so limited, and the one who shares so many memories with me since we were 16 years old (even when he’s convinced his version is the truth.) And the silliness and the laughter! Hardly a day goes by without laughing. And hugging. It has been a roller coaster ride of a marriage, but over the past decade it has been as if that roller coaster is coming into the final, smooth and level stretch of the home dock. If he goes first, whatever would I do?
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