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David - Scene written in dialogue - from my novella in progress
Way of the Writer - with David Kilmer
This scene takes place early on and tells us several key bits about Harley's love interest, Che, things that Harley is still clueless about. He is busy talking in the other part of the room, which allows us to jump to her Point of View for this exchange.
Now we know things that he doesn't know. As Hitchcock said of suspense: the audience needs to know the bomb is under the table before it goes off. Dialogue is a tidier and powerful way to do this - another way to show don't tell.
We've created suspense for the reader over when she might jump ship, and if she will ever tip her hand on speaking English to this poor guy who's mad about her.
“Querida,” the bartender says to Che. “Who’s the guapo? The guerito in the jeans you with?”
“That guy? I don’t know. We just met.”
“He can’t stop looking at you, sweetie. That man’s got it bad.”
“I don’t have the heart to tell him I’m not long for the ride. I’m hopping off when we get to the ocean.”
“Hey, not so fast. It might be nice to have someone who’s crazy about you. A girl could get used to that.”
“Yeah sure but we just met. He’s got no reason to stare at me like that. Something’s not right with him.”
“Well I’m getting nothing but good energy from that boy. Just homely and just lonely. And mad about you, chiquita.”
“Men,” Malinche says. “He’s trying so hard. He doesn’t even know I speak English. Not sure if I’m gonna tell him either. It’s kind of more fun this way.”
The bartender shaking her head.
“All I know is good men are harder to find than you think,” she says. “Either way you be gentle to that man. Sé amable con el buen hombre.”
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