updated dialogue session, Sunday dinner Shelley Harper

Let them be human: A common family dinner

The evening starts with “Babe, are you going to start the grill?” Babe answers with one word: “Ya.” Then the lecture begins, “Ok, well the kids will be here at 5:00 and it’s 4:30 so we better get that grill started.” Again with the one word, “Ok.” Several minutes go by and I notice my watch, “Babe! It’s 4:40 please tell me you’ve started the grill!” Distractedly and knowing he got caught doing something else says, “I’m going to go do that right now.” As he walks onto the deck and into the man cave which is what we call our barbecue area, I hear, “Hey who’s dog took a shit on the deck, don’t worry I’ll clean it up. Again.” Being the people pleaser that I am and not wanting any of our adult children to get offended, “Honey, just clean it up it’s no big deal, don’t make a thing of it, the kids will be offended and could you put that plate of meat over there in that open spot? Preferably after you’ve washed your hands. Come and get it, everyone! There is an extra salad bar behind you with lots of fixings. Guys, there’s an extra salad bar station, don't forget to check it out, it’s behind you.” A few seconds go by while everyone is serving their food and I hear, “Mom, do you have any extra fixings for the salad or anything?” Funny, I thought I already mentioned that a couple of times,“Yep, it’s over there behind you, guys! there’s lots of extra salad fixings over there, don't forget about it!” I then proceed to check on my adult children who are parents to see if they need a hand. “Joya or Jordan, do you guys need any extra help with the kiddos’ plates?” “Nah, we’ve got it, mom. Hey, do you have any extras for the salad?” “Ugh!”. Before I know what is happening, Grandpa (my hubby) starts in on saying grace with absolutely no warning, “God we thank you for the food and blessing our family and keeping us all healthy, amen.” The couple of people who heard grace say, “Amen” Our little grandson chimes in, “Grandpa, but we still need to say grace.” He’s very observant and way smarter than the rest of us. “Buddy grandpa already said grace, sorry you missed it. Honey-you really need to give everyone some kind of heads up before you say grace!” I literally tell him this every single family dinner. “Jesus thank you for the food amen.” “That was a good grace, buddy. Next time I’ll try to make sure you are ready before grandpa says grace. Does anyone want anything to drink out of the special fridge?” “I’ll take a water bottle please.” “I’ll take sparkling water, please.” “I’ll have a juice box please grandma.” “Honey, can I please have a diet Dr. Pepper?”. “Yes, of course, I’ll be right back. Anyone else?” I turn and am horrified, “Oh my gosh, babe. Can you please, for the love of God, stop feeding the dogs the corn cob at the dinner table while we have everyone here?” He ignores me and continues to let them eat the corn on the cob like a human and says, “I know but look at them, haha, they love it.” Dinner is eaten in less than six minutes and I hear, “Wow that was a good dinner, mom. We have to leave so we will see you later!” Just like that they start packing up and leaving first one family, then the next. “No worries, love you guys, drive safe! See you soon.” After locking the front door, because someone’s gotta do it I hear, “Hey babe, come to bed.” I take a sigh and say “ok, ya sure I’ll be right there, just after I do the three dishwasher loads, straighten all the toys up, fold the blankets, fill the dog water bowl, give both doge their medicines, switch the load of laundry and finish my writing assignment.” The next thing I hear is, “Zzzzzzzzzz.” This was fun. Let’s do it again soon.